About Anonymity

Someone posted a comment to my last blog saying that he will do what he can to help, but anonymously, because people his wife works with don't know that he is a registrant. I certainly respect and understand the desire for anonymity, and there are lots of ways that anyone can help with this cause while remaining anonymous.


While I will honor anyone's request for anonymity (but still put you to work), I want you to think about some things. First, your anonymity as a registrant is just an illusion. My husband and I know from experience. When we were evicted from our home without cause, of course, we had to tell folks while we were suddenly moving from our home and neighborhood that we loved. Basically, what we came to understand was that, for years, we carried a burden in silence, deceiving ourselves into thinking that if we didn't talk about it, it either didn't exist or people wouldn't find out. What a self-deception that is! It's on the Internet and the masses are encouraged to visit their states' SOR at every turn. People can get aps for the Iphones and e-mail alerts about offenders wherever they are. The sole reason we came to this revelation was that when we began talking to our friends and family, most said they had known about this for years but chose to be our friends anyway. Close friends and neighbors protected us and supported us at times we never knew. Many revealed secrets of their own - of sexual indiscretions (many teenage) that could have landed them in the same position given the current long list of what counts as a sexual offense these days. One true friend remarked that people at our church had been praying for us since we walked through its doors in 1994 - pretty powerful and humbling stuff, regardless of what your religious beliefs are.

Second, we found that it was an absolute must for us to share his story rather than let a misleading website enable people to create one far worse than the real one. He was a lifetime registrant with a 15 year old victim. Was the offense yesterday? Last year? 20 years ago? What were the details of the offense? What has he done since to make restitution for the offense? The registry certainly does not answer those questions, and the scenarios that the general public can create are far worse than the real story. If you don't tell it, who will? We found when people understood the real story and how this has become a modern day witch hunt, many agree with us. But that doesn't happen if we don't tell.

Third, and most important, is that our collective silence is why all of us are here today. My husband and I spent years in compliance and fear dealing with something we knew deep down was just plain wrong. While we exerted a futile effort to stay anonymous and just live our lives, we allowed states to run rampant with "tough on sex offender legislation." We allowed entertainers like Oprah, Dr. Phil, and John Walsh to become subject area experts while real, solid research (that refutes most of the basis for the registry and its effectiveness) by highly qualified experts and our own federal government is completely ignored.

I take full responsibility for the current state of affairs because of my silence. I will no longer be silent. I no longer accept the status quo - Never in my wildest dream would I have ever considered myself an activist, but I willingly accept that fate now. The witch hunt is wrong; research does not support it, and I can do something about it. I will speak - I will tell the story. Will you join me?